Commercial

Things To Consider Today By Leland Pulley

Good Marital Communication Leads To Unity

Many people today talk about marriage. Some say they don’t need it, because they can merely live together. This is a sad commentary on them and on our society too. Of those who want marriage, some don’t have the opportunity to get married for various reasons. For those who do marry, about half get divorced; or every time two marriages take place, there is a divorce occurring. This is not good news either.

So what is the big problem anyway? Are men and women losing their interest in each other? I don’t think so. I think they have forgotten, or never learned well, why marriage is important. They don’t understand what it takes to have a good marriage. They are not wise enough to select a good mate for themselves. They will not work together enough to develop and sustain a good marital relationship over the years. Such a relationship must be able to withstand the good and bad times.

Marriage is a big topic with lots of aspects to it, but I would like to focus on communication. If you and your mate develop good communication, it is much easier to have unity in your marriage. Communication is one of the most fundamental building blocks of a good relationship. All of us know that money alone won’t hold a marriage together. Even money and a good sex life won’t do it either. Money, sex, and kids don’t hold some marriages together. You have to have more basic ingredients between the husband and wife themselves like common values and goals, sharing, sacrifice, and good communication.

When it comes to communication, people are different. To begin, a couple needs to share at least one common language so they can share information. Without this, there is a lot of misunderstanding and frustration.

Next realize that there are different levels of communication. Talking to a neighbor about a garden or soccer game is easy. Talking with someone at the office about work is easy too. But starting mixing in things like money, parenting, politics, sex, religion, and relationships; and adult conversations can become more emotional and strained very fast. Yet in marriage, every possible variable is there to deal with in husband-wife communication. This is why marital communication is such a challenge.

Communication requires work. The better each mate can communicate with people in general, the more likely he and she will be able to communicate well in a marriage. But this is no guarantee of good communication in the marital relationship. So seek a mate with good skills in communication, but don’t be idealistic and expect good communication without some effort. If you marry someone with skills that need some improvement, help him or her to develop them after marriage. In most marriages both husband and wife must do some adapting of their communication to blend in well with one another. This is true even if they have good skills with other people in general.

Just because you want to communicate well doesn’t mean you always well, especially at the beginning of marriage. You must learn how to fine tune your communication to your mate. Otherwise there will be misunderstandings, debates, and arguments. Take time to explain yourself well. Listen carefully to the other person. Let both of you express your views equally. If basics like these aren’t done, you will have worse communication.

Watch for things like facial expression, tone of voice, and words used in communication. Your mate can tell when you are happy or upset. Your tone of voice alone communicates as much as your words. Watch too your choice of words for sending a message. Crude and profane words are not necessary to communicate well and usually turn the other person off anyway. Do your raise your voice at your mate? Do your use profanity or crude words while communicating with him or her?

Communication should be open at all times. This is true for good and bad times, on good and bad days, and when you’re happy or sad. Is this true in your marriage?

Honesty and full disclosure is very important. Don’t bear false witness or lie to each other. Don’t have secrets or withhold information that your mate should know. Do you do any of these?

As a couple gets to know one another better, they will usually share more personal or private information about themselves as individuals. This breaks down walls and helps to establish trust. With trust comes even more sharing of information. How strong is the trust in your marriage?

Some people are more private or they keep more things to themselves. This makes it harder to communicate. If their partner tries to pry information out of them, there is usually resistence. This can lead to negative reactions, comments, and even arguments. Have you experienced this?

If you’re more talkative than your mate, try to work out a solution, compromise, or agreement about how much you converse. Usually the more talkative mate must learn to say more in less time or use more condensed versions of the story or message. The other mate must learn to be more descriptive, provide more details, or show an interest in more topics.

Another consideration is what you talk about and how often. This depends on the interests of each mate for various topics and their knowledge about them. The more things you both like to discuss, the more things you’ll talk about with one another. The more time you can spend together, the more likely you’ll have longer conversations and discussions.

Communication should be effective. It’s easy to make statements or even make demands of your mate, but did you get your message across to him or her? Was it understood and accepted? Sometimes you can discuss an issue and work out an agreement, but then what happens? Will any action be required? If so who will do what? If the action doesn’t follow the words, then all the talk was for nothing.

As implied above, there are many good reasons to improve marital communication. If you’re a couple who communicates well, you can share all types of things. These include thoughts, feelings, ideas, opinions, and observations. You’ll understand one another and be empathic. You will know which direction your mate is coming from. Therefore, you can communicate more information and do it more effectively than individuals who merely live together or share a house together. How well can you and your mate share things via communication?

Good communication supports teamwork. With it you share your dreams and set your goals. You can work out mutual plans and strategies better. You can discuss problems that come up and obstacles that get in your way. More progress is made with open communication.

If you have children, communication between parents allows you to develop a united strategy for each child. You also share information with each other about that child. Your job as a parent is easier because two people are raising each child, not one. The child benefits too because he gets two role models and examples, two perspectives, and two set of talents to draw upon.

Communication requires effort, skills and continual vigilance. It can be good during some periods of a marriage and slowly deteriorate thereafter. You must monitor what you say to each other and how you say it. Sustain good communication throughout life.

Evaluate your marital communication. Look for specific ways to improve it. Select one way and work on this now.

YOUR OPINION - Let us know if you liked this article, and whether you agree or disagree with it? Provide your comments here .

Click here to return to the top.