Things To Consider Today    By  Leland Pulley

Communicating Well With Others

Do you admire people who are good communicators? Can you see how it benefits them? Communication plays a big role in our lives. Too often we take it for granted and do not develop it into the effective tool it can be for us. In this article I’ll share my own story of developing communication skills, and then focus on improving your skills.

Communication begins with language skills. Although English is my native tongue, I had problems in grade school with the pronunciation of certain letters or sounds at the beginning of words. I was pulled out of class periodically to see a speech therapist, and eventually I did satisfactory in this area. However, I never was good at pronouncing new words in English because of all the irregularities in this language. This was demonstrated to me after taking Spanish in junior high, and Latin in high school. In college I went to Brazil for a period of time and learned to speak Portuguese fluently. These other languages were easier for me to learn than English because they were more regular in their rules.

With time I did learn to read and write English well. Reading and writing expanded my language skills. I developed a good vocabulary. Even today, I read daily to maintain vocabulary and stay informed.

In the eighth grade I gave my first talk in my church. It went well for a student my age addressing an audience of adults and their kids. In high school I took speech as a regular class for a year. Obviously this involved speaking to peers in my class. It also lead to getting on my school’s debate team and learning to do impromptu and oratory too. I went to the district and state tournaments for these activities. Once again there was more skill development in communication and even less fear of audiences.

In college, during my time in Brazil, I learned to talk to strangers on the street in their language, and in their homes too. This lead to more listening skills and trying to figure out where people were coming from in their beliefs, values, attitudes, and priorities. Without considering such things, a lot of human communication is a waste of time.

After college graduation I worked in sales for a while. Communication is utilized a lot in this activity, but it isn’t always the open and direct type of communication that I desire. The profit motive influences what you say and how you say it. This is not always full disclosure of information. For these reasons, I got out of sales and went into another type of work.

I have done a lot of teaching in my adult life. In the home I have taught my children. At work, at the local junior college, and through my church I have done a lot of teaching of adolescents and adults. The subject matter has varied, but the basic communication skills and teaching techniques required have remained fairly constant from class to class.

By now you may have guessed that I like to talk with people. Through many positive experiences I have developed good skills in communication. I am confident, and do not hesitate to use these skills in a variety of situations and circumstances.

Lets us now consider communication in your life. How important is communication to you and how much of a role does it play in your life? How good are your skills in communication? Are you confident in communicating with everyone or just certain types of people? Where do you see a need to improve your communication?

To assist you in self-evaluation and setting some goals for better communication, I have listed some things that I’ve learned about good communication.

• If you have problems with oral or written language skills, get some help. Work on these skills until you have developed them sufficiently for your current needs and your plans for the future.
• Learn to speak clearly. Use proper English. Don’t use profanity or crude words or terms. Avoid slang.
• Keep emotions under control while communicating. Strive to keep negative emotions out of communication or negative feelings will be aroused and arguments will take place. At that point minds will close, and people will part with little accomplished.
• Listen to others as much as talk to them. This leads to better understanding and more effective communication for everyone.
• Be empathetic. People do things for reasons and they say things for reasons too. They also avoid saying some things or withhold information for reasons. Try to identify or learn these reasons. This will help you to know what the other person is thinking and feeling, and communicate more effectively with him.
• Know what you’re talking about. Be informed. Admit what you know and don’t know about a topic. This makes it easier for others to know what level of conversation to carry on with you.
• Be honest in what you say. Tell the whole truth and avoid holding back part of the story without a good reason to justify this. Be transparent so people know they’re getting the full story or all the facts. This helps them to respect and trust you.
• Don’t brag or boast about yourself, or people will turn you off. Don’t exaggerate or you’ll lose credibility with others.
• Be sincere. Don’t tell people things to make them feel good or gain favor in their eyes when you don’t real mean what you day.
• Don’t play games with people and pretend to know someone or something you don’t. Don’t take credit for accomplishments when you don’t deserve them. This leads eventually to a lack of credibility that will cause others to stop listening to you.
• Avoid politics, maneuvering, manipulating, bearing false witness, withholding relevant information, etc. People usually do this to enhance their position, their side of the debate, or their profit sheet. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be as transparent as possible. You can still win elections, get promoted, maintain friends, and make money too.
•  Learn how to talk to people on their level. Don’t use words or terms they don’t understand unless you explain them. Be direct and to the point and avoid giving too much information too fast. Let people absorb what you say and ask questions. Use diagrams, photos, or other visual aids to help others understand better.
• Consider a person’s values, beliefs, prejudices, and other factors when trying to teach or persuade or convince him of something.
• Communication is more than words. It involves voice tone, facial expression, body language, and even dress at times. These can be used to reinforce our words, or if used improperly, they will actually detract from what we’ll saying. Learn to use these things in appropriate ways to enhance your communication.
• Limit what you say about others. Keep confidences. Keep private information private. Don’t pass on third party information about others without their permission. Don’t gossip. Don’t spread rumors or ruin the reputation of others by what you say about them.

The list above is certainly not complete, but it should illustrate the many variables involved in good communication. Unfortunately, we all take communication too much for granted. We don’t pay enough attention to what we say and how we say it. There are ways for everyone to improve how they communicate and we all should do this.

In your own communication, try to identify specific areas you are weak or strong. It would be good to write these. Use the list above to assist you. Also, look for patterns in your communication. These will reveal where you’re weak and strong in communication skills.

There are some very practical and important reasons to become a good communicator.

• People understand you better and you understand them better. This strengthens relationships and leads to more cooperation and sharing.
• Others have a higher opinion of you, and thus you have more influence with them.
•  Communication skills help you to mingle and converse with others in a variety of social settings. It is easier to fit into groups and make friends.
• Good skills in reading, writing and speaking make school easier and encourage you to seek more education and job training. This opens up more career opportunities and usually leads to a higher income. The person with less language skills must struggle more to overcome his handicaps. If he doesn’t, he usually has less job choices and a lower income.
• Communication has a direct impact on job selection. Some people can make a living from good communication via writing, acting. speaking, selling, or managing. There are those who prefer to do less people to people communicating at work and select jobs accordingly. But even in these types of jobs, underdeveloped skills in communication limit job opportunities.

I challenge you to take notice of your communication. How do you communicate in different situations and under a variety of circumstances? How do your skills in communication affect your daily life? How is communication helping you or holding you back? After doing some thinking about this, select one or two ways to improve or strengthen your skills in communication. Then work on this until your each goal is realized.

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Copyright  2007     Leland Pulley