Commercial

Guest Articles

Dealing With the Death Of A Loved One by Sarah Gentili

A few years ago, I watched a movie by Judy Foster called Contact. While the movie had a clear science fiction element, there was a human element to the story line that gave it universal appeal. The movie centered around an extremely bright radio astronomer who had suffered the death of a loved ones at a very young age. Her mother passed away while she was an infant and her father passed away when she was eight. In the movie you see that the adult character had never fully come to terms with her father's death and it had an impact on every aspect of her daily life, her faith, and her relationship with others.

Near the end of the movie, when contact is made with another alien civilization, they choose to appear to the astronomer as her late father. She is able to put her arms around her "father" and finally have the closure she needs.

I never fully appreciated that moment in the movie until I experienced my own loss for the first time. I have lived a sheltered life. Until recently, I have never had to deal with the death of a loved one. My husbands’s mother passed away two months ago and her death has left a permanent mark on my husband and as a result on our family. My mother and father-in-law were planning to come for their first visit to the United States and were scheduled to leave four days after she died.

Several years ago my husband came to the United States. He left his family in Argentina during an economic depression because he could find work here. When he came to the states, my husband worked hard at building a new life for himself and eventually our family. Later, his sister came to the states too. Over the years he and his sister have been anxiously waiting for the day when both their parents could come here and see what they have made of their lives.

Neither my husband nor his sister have returned to Argentina for a visit since coming to the states. Fortunately, my husband was able to return to Argentina for his mother’s funeral. There he saw members of his family and other relatives. When he returned to the states, his father came with him.

Even though my father-in-law is here, the fact that my mother-in-law was unable to make the trip weighs heavily on everyone’s mind. I have noticed small changes in my husband and sister-in-law as well. Both are trying to deal with daily life without her. The little things are the hardest. A smell or sound will bring reality crashing in around them as they are reminded of her. I have discovered that time and faith are the keys for dealing with a loved ones passing.

It takes time to move on after someone passes. It takes time for the little things in your daily life not to be a constent reminder of who you have lost. You will still have moments of grief when everything comes crashing back down on you, but with time they become less frequent. The other factor is faith. When some you love passes away, most people have a natural inclination to question whatever faith they have and to question God's purpose. How he could let something like this happen? Why did it have to be your family? Why couldn't you have been given more time? If you and your family do not have some kind of foundation that you have built your faith on, then these questions will become harder to answer.

In our case, we are a religious family. My husband having served as a missionary for our church for two years and myself having attended church all my life. We have a clear understanding of death and the afterlife. Because we have that knowledge, death is not something we fear. It is a part of life, as natural as birth. We believe that family have a chance to be reunited on the other side. I know that even though I never had the opportunity to get to know my mother-in-law in this life, I will have the chance to put my arms around her and get to know her in the next one.

As time has progressed, our family has been able to come to terms with my mother-in-law’s sudden death. There are still moments of anger and regret by various individuals. Things they wish they would have done or said. However knowing that we can be together again has gone a long way towards helping us.

Times of hardship like this can change a person and as a result their family can change. However, this does not have to be something negative. When your family is faced with a crisis or unexpected event, grab on with both hands. It might be a bumpy ride, but in the end you, your family and your faith will be stronger then they were before.

YOUR OPINION - Let us know if you liked this article, and whether you agree or disagree with it? Provide your comments here .

Click here to return to the top.