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Letting Go by Julie Plancarte

I grew up in a large family with clearly defined roles. I was the older sister. I related a certain way to my brothers and sisters and parents. Each relationship in my childhood fit in a different way. But through it all, there was a consistently in the way all the pieces fit in my family.

As I grew into adulthood, I started to experience a change. I had some brothers and sisters leave home at a younger age, and my interaction with them was limited as they hammered out different lives and lived in different cities away from me.

I had a lot of changes in my life this past year. One of the big changes was how I viewed my family. The truth I have found for myself is that at some point we all have to let go of the roles we start out with and change. For parents, it’s the hard process of relating to their children as adults, rather than misbehaving children that they are trying to advise and correct. For siblings, the challenge is to stop looking at each other as sisters and brothers and relate to each other as adults.

Sometimes this process can take a while. I still find myself slipping into the comfortable role I established early on in life. It’s easy, much like slipping on a pair of broken in shoes. I have had to make a conscious effort to stop this.

I think that for most families in this day and age, it’s difficult to find our way together if this isn’t done. I look at my two children, who are still so young, and I can’t imagine letting them go. Yet I know that at some point I have to step back and let them stumble and fall, and then allow them to get up and walk forward.

The family I grew up in is going through this process slowly. I try to look at my parents as two people who did the best they could and examine them with the eyes of an adult. I don’t spend a lot of time in the past, nor do I dredge up old complaints. I have discovered a lot of things about my five siblings who I never paid as much attention to before. I ask my brother in college about what he is planning now. I talk to another brother about his work, dating, and politics.. My older brother and I talk about his work and home. I talk to my youngest sister about her effort to become a mother. I talk to my other sister about surviving in a world that wears down a woman who has to work outside of the home and be an active mother too. Each phone call addresses a different concern. And with time, I have finally seen a movement towards making a connection with all adults in my family, even though they have different interests and concerns. This contributes to family unity.

As I draw this year to close, I have concluded that the process of growing up takes time, and families are fluid units that change. We all change as we get older, and find our own interests and lives. I have tried to move beyond who I was in the past, and find ways to relate to these other seven family members as the adults they are today. It’s not always easy, and it takes some effort, but I feel that somewhere down the road I will have a better understanding of these individuals, and love all of them in a more positive, productive way.

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