Ideas For Living Newsletter

 

LIfe In The Middle

Parents Who Teach Their Children Well, Reap Joys and Happiness Later  

As you get older, you appreciate the speed of time. You watch in wonder, and recognize that you are not as fast, as beautiful, and as creative as you were just five or ten years earlier. You watch children playing, and listen as Mothers worry about their safety. Though you can nod your head at their actions, you recognize it was twenty years or more since you were literally getting your children to pick up their clothes, or reminding a son to take a shower and put on clean socks.

Older adults who were once worrying whether their teens were safe taking the family car on a date, understand how their own grown kids are now worrying about the same things with their teens. Many of us older parents can’t help but smile, knowing that finally our adult kids understand what motivated our worries then.

As time goes on, if you have a good relationship with your kids, you can usually expect calls from them, not in defiance, but as a peer, trying to get help from someone who has already tread through the muddy waters of life. I can tell you how rewarding it is to have one of your daughters call, and say “Mom, I’m at the end of my rope. I know Jane is just like I was, but what did you do to keep your sanity?”

These are the moments that let you know it was all worth it; the things you sacrificed, and the tears and concerns you experienced. So many articles today aim at telling you that you are being taken advantage of in the parental role. So many groups are counseling young adults to postpone or go without marriage, and think of yourself. Be sure to let your children know how much you appreciated the opportunity to be a parent. Let them know you are proud of them, and you’re there to give advice, if they want it, when they have problems.

Just as we didn’t always make the right choices in life, they will make mistakes as well. As a person who has gone down life’s road earlier, be sure you try to give them some direction around areas that could be real problems. Make for sure you tell them what the consequences can be if they stumble in an area. But be sure you don’t take over their responsibilities in life. If you do, they never grow and get strengthened by their adversity.

Let me give you an example of this. I have friends who raised their children, sent them to the best schools, gave them the chance to travel, and participate in school clubs. The parents, watched their money, and worked long hours. The were ready for the chance to travel, and enjoy their grandchildren. When one of their daughters got a divorce after having several children, our friends thought they were helping by stepping in to help with some financial assistance. The problem became more complex. In the end, the grandparents, who should have had the roll of mentor, became embroiled in the daily struggles of parenting. Instead of having less financial concerns, now they’re both working long hours, not for their own retirement, but to pay for extra rent, food, clothing and activities for their daughter and grandchildren.

You see, what has to be remembered is that as you get older, you need to reconnect with that sweetheart you started your marital journey with many years ago. Don’t cheat your adult children of the opportunity to dirty their hands in the muddy waters of life. When you are gone, what you want is to leave children who are strong, and able to endure the ups and downs of life.

To this end may you succeed. May you have taught your children to endure life’s hardships, as well as its joys. Until later...Colleen

YOUR OPINION - Let us know if you liked this article, and whether you agree or disagree with it? Provide your comments here .

Click here to return to the top.

Copyright  2008     Leland Pulley