Ideas For Living Newsletter

 

LIfe In The Middle

How To Rise Above The Negative Experiences Of Life 

I have many good memories of things that happened during  my childhood. I did not live in the best neighborhood, but it was generally a safe place. We could play in the fields and vacant lots, climb trees, and walk to school without parents. Life was simpler, and the pace was slower. Children enjoyed childhood, and developed their creativity. How many kids do you know today who would be satisfied with using a stick for a pistol, for a shoot out at “OK Corral”?

To give you an example of how a childhood experience makes my life richer today, let me tell you a story. When I was in fifth grade, I had a teacher named Mrs. Vansel. She had been raised in Alabama. Her Southern accent was soothing as she read to us, yet she tolerated no playing around during class time. Her childhood had been spent in extreme poverty. Her Father had been a sharecropper, and the kids picked cotton during the Summer, to pay for shoes and school supplies, as well as to put food on the table. She told us once about the blisters and scars on the hands of her Father and brothers, from driving a mule to break up the soil to plant crops.

As a child, it was hard to understand that kind of experience from the thirties and forties, but years later, when I saw the movie “The Grapes of Wrath”, starring Henry Fonda, I remembered what she had told us. This movie was directed by John Ford, and is considered one of the greatest portrayals of the dignity of people during the depression. I recommend you rent it, and be sure you watch it with your older children. There will be questions that will arise, and you’ll find that there will be a chance for you to share with them what you think about an ethical and  serious issue.  

It has been my observation that the experiences we have in life can be viewed as negative or positive. I never remember a time when Mrs. Vansel spoke of the her harsh childhood in a negative way. However, she told us many times  that it was education and learning that provided the opportunity to rise above the hardship she had experienced. She was grateful for the love of her family, whih had been constant. She also told us to store up good memories, and share them often. I pass that advise on to you. Sit down with your children and have them tell you the good memories they have, then write them down. Later in life it will be the good memories that shine brighter, and will make them a happier individual.

There are always negative and positive events that happen to us. What needs to happen is we should talk about them, and privately work through those experiences. Ask yourself, what makes them negative or positive? Why did I feel the way I did when it happened?

I believe one of the major reasons we remember things in a negative way is because we haven’t had closure with the event. We remember the embarrassment, and the anger, and we don’t let it go. When you take these type of experiences you had with family members or others into adulthood, they stand in the way of you developing a good adult relationship with the individuals who were there with you as you grew into adulthood. You hold those resentments with you, and when you are interacting with these other individuals,  you want to get back at them for something that happened ten, fifteen, or fifty years earlier. I ask you, what is the point? So what if your sister Susan told a lie, and you were punished? Get over it. Get on with your life. Rise above it, and interact with your sister as friends. You are not in a competition in life. You are not going to feel better by making your sister feel bad twenty years later.

Life is only here today. Do not throw away the moments, and carry around resentments, or negative feelings. Mrs. Vansel is a good example of setting aside negative events and rising above them. Do the same for yourself, and help your children have closure with the negative experiences they have. When you do that, then you are one step closer to having a rich and fulfilling life.

May all of us work on this. May we draw our families closer together, by filling their memory with positive notes, instead of the sour notes that turn us bitter. To this end, until later... Colleen

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Copyright  2008     Leland Pulley