Things To Consider Today

The Value of Waiting  

Have you ever had a disagreement with your mate, or a child in your family? Did it get resolved in a satisfactory manner? Does this occur periodically? Consider your friends, neighbors, or people at work. Do you have disagreements with them too? These are all things we experience. How can we handle them better? I have a general recommendation that applies to all of them.

So many times in life we want to quickly act before taking the time to think about what we’re doing and why. We claim to be in a hurry, and waiting is not something we like to do. We think we’re capable of making snap judgments and quick decisions. And so we fail to let time pass by in order to think or ponder before taking action. The result of this is more wrong decisions and doing things which have a negative impact upon ourselves and others.

Begin with yourself and an important issue like health. I should eat a proper diet and get regular exercise, but today I have more important things to do. As the days and weeks go by, it’s easy to let this type of permissive thinking become the norm in your life. Soon you’re not getting a proper diet, nor an appropriate amount of good exercise. What started out to be a good intention, or perhaps even a pattern that had been established in your life, is now only an occasional activity. Why? Stop and think about what is happening to you and your health. Don’t be overwhelmed by circumstances in your life or the demands of others. Take charge and do what is best for you in this critical area.

Now consider your relationship in marriage. Your husband or wife does something you don’t understand or do not like. You may become impatient, perturbed, or mad. You may exhibit abusive language and behavior. Most of this could be avoided if you would merely stop the negative thoughts and feelings before they have a chance to get control of you when something like this happens. In other words, learn to wait. Let some time pass by and calm down. Your thoughts should regain control of your emotions. Be open minded and forgiving. You’re then in a better position to figure out some solutions. Look at the situation from the viewpoint of your mate. Perhaps it is not all his or her fault, but some blame lies with you. Take all the time you need, a few days or even a week, to think about it. Then get together with your mate and discuss what is bothering you. By then your mate may have thought about it too, and the chances are now greatly increased that you both can communicate in an open and friendly manner in order to resolve differences and find solutions.

Job and career have a big impact on us. Work is an important environment that affects us in many ways. It provides income in order to pay bills. It is a source of social contact with others who have similar interests and skills. There is also the possibility of recognition for the contributions we make on the job. When things began to go wrong at work, it’s very easy to become upset with someone else or with the situation. You may have the tendency to complain a lot to others, or say negative things about person A to person B. Such third-party conversations are usually not helpful for you, nor the person you’re talking about. The best thing is to stop and put everything on hold for a short period. Think through what is happening at work, as it influences you, and why it is happening. What can you do at this time to improve the situation for you and others? Is there any way to protect yourself from slander, bad evaluations of your performance, or being laid off from the job? A good policy is to take time periodically to evaluate your work and its impact on your life. Be prepared for things that could happen, but haven’t happened yet, such as a potential layoff for people like yourself. Get additional job training for your current job and to help sell yourself in the marketplace should you lose your position. The major attitude here is to use time to help yourself think things through so you can do better and ultimately feel better. Unless you do this, you will be more apt to overreact to others and how they treat you on the job. It will be easier to develop negative attitudes toward the company or clients. None of this helps you or them.

Sometimes we rely upon a friend to do a favor for us. We will place our trust in others for a lot of reasons and in a lot of ways. When these individuals do not show proper respect for us and our best interests, we’re disappointed. We wonder, how could that individual do this to me? I thought he or she was my friend or someone I could count on in times of need. I trusted his or her professional advice and expected everything to be confidential. I’ve learned this is not true. I feel betrayed. It is easy now to have negative feelings towards this third-party friend or associate or professional who was helping us. Seeking some form of retaliation or vengeance is really not the best solution. The solution begins with taking the time to select good friends. Do not be hasty in doing this. Wisely select professional counsel. Be realistic in what to expect out of others and who you can trust with what information. If this is not enough and things still go wrong, then further action is required. Think through what has happened to you and why. Ask to meet with the other person in order to discuss the situation. Clearly express your views and allow the other person the same privilege. Doing this in most cases will resolve differences and preserve relationships. In some cases, relationships which seem to be going sour can often be saved and even strengthened through such efforts.

The illustrations above have many things in common. They represent ways that each of us can experience disappointment, frustration, and failure. We must overcome obstacles in our path and solve problems. In the process we can choose how we deal with all these things. We can be impatient, perturbed, mad, and abusive; or none of these. We can be too proud to seek help or accept our share of the blame; or do just the opposite. We can let our feelings be hurt, relationships go sour, and problems remain unsolved; or avoid all of these. It is up to each of us. Every time we make the right choice, we get stronger and smarter, and it becomes easier to make more right choices in the future.

I offer as a common solution the pattern of letting some time pass by before taking action. Look into your life and judge what is happening. Do you find yourself reacting too hastily to others and to circumstances? Do you have the self-discipline to control your speech and actions when you aren’t happy, or you’re upset or disappointed? Can you be patient and let some time pass by as you think through what is bothering you? Finally, do you have the courage and personal strength to address the situation in a positive and constructive manner with yourself and anyone else involved? This is not always easy to do, especially with certain individuals or situations. However, as you make this a pattern in your life, the approach will become easier for you to utilize.

I challenge you to not let the busy world around you cause you to feel busy or think you’re busier then you really are. You should be in charge of time, not time in charge of you. Slow things down a little and remain in control of your life. Simplify or reduce the number of variables you’re trying to manage at the same time. Don’t walk faster than you have strength. Do not accept more responsibilities than you can fulfill. Learn to rely upon yourself as much as possible, yet let others into your life in order to have good relationships and enjoyable activities with each other.

Remember this expression. Slow down and let some time pass by before acting. A little waiting will not hurt any of us, and it actually offers many benefits. This one guideline will save a lot of negative feelings, arguments, and disappointments in all aspects of your life. It will help you to find answers and solutions. It will produce more harmony between you and others. Use this guideline consistently and get the benefits it brings.

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Copyright  2008     Leland Pulley